SUICIDE OF A LOVED ONE...'YOU NEVER GET OVER IT'

Mental health, mental fitness, and psychological well-being are all discussed far more openly than they were when I started my career. The notion of pulling yourself together, and the gender stereotyping of men toughing it out were part of common parlance. This has gradually changed and recognition that mental well-being is as important as physical has been accepted by most businesses. The data is very clear, in the UK alone, stress, depression or anxiety accounted for 17 million lost workdays in 2021/22, the average length of sickness for each person being 18.6 days.

I need to offer a trigger warning that the rest of this piece will address suicide and suicidal ideation.

The fact that we are more aware of mental well-being and the impact of being unwell makes the news that someone has taken their own life even more devastating. A family friend lost their university-age daughter recently, her best friend arrived back at their shared accommodation to find the young woman, unconscious and as soon became apparent, never to wake again.

The person in question was at a 'good' university, had always achieved high grades and on the surface perhaps had appeared to be coping well in her second year of studies. Her family and friends had ‘no idea’ that she had been feeling this way and no amount of hindsight or second-guessing will provide the answer to why she did what she did. This is the fifth person I’ve known that has taken their own life and each person surely had their own story still to tell and their life to live. For some, I know it had been driven by a traumatic event, for others it seemingly came out of nowhere. I do know, speaking to everyone’s friends and family that the consistent comment that came up, again and again, was – ‘we’ll never get over it' or ‘I don’t know how we’ll live with the fact we didn’t know’.

The facts about suicide make sobering reading. Only 20% of those that attempted suicide make a further attempt if they didn’t succeed (it’s a very odd choice of word to view dying as being successful but it is the word that is used). This suggests that many people that attempt suicide do not want to die, they don’t want to end their life, the refrain often heard when talking to people afterwards is ‘I just didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to be in this situation’. It’s far more a statement of despair, I don't like the ‘it’s a cry for help’ thought, it’s not – it’s so much more. People really don’t want to be here sometimes and are just lost in what they should or could do to improve the situation.

When you reach a point that you decide to take your own life, when you decide that your family, friends, and loved ones are truly better off without you and there is no way out of the situation you find yourself in, it is one of the worst places to ever find yourself. Believe me, it is the worst place to find yourself.

Perhaps we find it harder to talk to others in this disconnected/connected world. Some believe that solace or an answer is to be found in the world of social media. It can be a supportive but also dangerous place if navigated when in a particular frame of mind. Talking helps, talking to another person on the phone or in person really does help.

Don’t ever think you’re alone, don’t ever let anyone else feel alone. If you feel you have no one else I always have time to listen, always. I don’t have the answer, but I do have the ability to hear you, to truly hear what you have to say. We all do. Making a difference can be as easy as talking to someone, saving a life can be as easy as talking to someone.

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